Gonna write some reflection before I
forget again, I wanted to write about what happened in the past semester
during the semester break but honestly I forgot about it. I can barely
remember everything now but I tried to recall for my own sake.
Last
semester was more like a growth phase to me. Too many things happened
and most of them ain't very cheerful one although I tried to be
optimistic.
Last
semester was the first semester of my second year. I was back in the
university 2 weeks late because I wanted to join my family trip to
Thailand. It was a bit hectic because when I got back, things are in a
mess. I failed to register myself for 2 elective courses beforehand
because I was late during registration. I woke up at 2am (2 hours late)
thought that I would be able to register at that time, but I was wrong,
everything was full. After I got back from Sibu, I woke up early in the
morning and sat in front of the laptop for a few days just to click the
refresh button again and again, see whether there were anyone dropping
theirs and grab any slot available. It was dreadful. I prayed so hard
because I don't wanna graduate late, those kiasu moment. And by
God mercy, I grabbed two language courses in 2 days, French and Arabic. I
told myself, I would take whatever that is available. So, I went to
class. French was still humanly understandable, but Arabic class was a
nightmare to me. I was the only Chinese student which means no basic
knowledge at all. Lecture was asking question in Arabic and the rest
were replying fluently in Arabic. That kinda horrible level is
indescribable. And what frighten me the most is the alphabet, this is
totally an alien language to me. It was so struggling during class, I
lost my appetite. It was a chance, but should I drop the course? I
couldn't cope. I worked so hard to get it and now? just let it go?
I
was viewing fb and it was a "tradition" that people post about exchange
their courses with others' course. So without further hesitation, I
decided to post about to exchange my Arabic course with any other
course, thinking that do something is better than nothing before I let
it go. I'm selfish. And days after I was called to meet dean to explain
about the wrong deed on fb. I was so speechless, no one ever tell me
that is wrong, that is something you get to see very frequent on fb
every semester but the BPP decided to take action this time and I was
caught. I was so confused and so sad at the same time. You will
understand when you are me and you know the ratio. In the end, each (11)
of us got a warning letter from the faculty because they claimed it as
trading university's property. This is even worse than cheating in exam,
so you can imagine what I got myself into. That kinda feeling, DUH. But
part of me know that it was the best solution among all. I accepted the
fact and move on.
There
was another thing that bother me. I insisted to get myself a single
room and perhaps with attached bathroom because I got many bad
experiences staying in hostel, sharing room, kitchen and toilet with 8
people, the atmosphere and hygiene... I blame on experience. God
has mercy and I got what I want. It is so expensive to get a single room
at the resident area right in front of my university so I went for a
further location. I don't mind at first because I got a car and I can
always travel around as long as I got my own room and toilet. It seems
like a good idea to me. 2 weeks after, I felt so empty staying there. I
was so far away from my university, my friends and town. I was very
depressed staying in the very quiet house all by myself. I felt so
lonely, so empty and so depressed. I hate going home since then. The
house got no wifi access so that contribute to me doing nothing beside
sleep and study when I was home. I used to have wifi connection when I
was staying in hostel. I felt disconnected, so left out. Insecurity is
devouring me. I talked to my parents and friends. And I am still looking
for suitable room now.
And
I was not doing very good in my academic, I think it was partly because
I was so into the bad feeling, I was looking for new room most of the
time instead of focusing on my studies, I was so bothered, I was not
happy, I emphasized on the bad feeling so much and my CGPA dropped. And
to my dismay, it is lack of 0.01 to achieve dean list, funny or not. I
was so speechless, sigh.
And
last December, I got into a car accident while on the way to my
friend's house. A car suddenly got out from the left exit and bumped
into the back of my left passenger seat. The third party was very sorry
and being very nice throughout the accident. So fortunately, we got to
the police station and done with the report on the same day. There was a
guy turned up at the scene not more than 3 min after the accident. He
is claiming to be a car insurance agent and he volunteered to help me
with my case. I was very confused because it was the first time I got
into a car accident and I have no family members here to help me out.
Thanks God I rejected his help or else I might have just got myself into
another trouble. Third party assigned an agent for me, so I would just
contact the agent regarding the car insurance claim. I got my police
report 3 days after and looked for suitable workshop, I got zero
knowledge about workshop in Kuching. So I'm kinda rely on that agent. He
told to meet up at Honda because I wanted to repair my car there. But I
was late and he left for another appointment so we didn't really meet
each other until now. I got into the office and being told Honda is not
taking care of Kurnia's claim, which means they are not going to repair
my car, cross out. I called the agent and he don't even know about this.
WALAO, I tot you're professional? Things got complicated weeks after.
The agent is avoiding my calls, texts and lost contact or vanished after
Christmas. I was so slow to realize, sad, right? I contacted my parents
and got connected to Kurnia Kuching a day after. I was directed to
Kurnia panel workshop weeks after. I had to write a letter to Kurnia to
explain about the late. I was so worried that Kurnia is going to reject
me but luckily they didn't. My car was finally sent to the workshop
after a month. I got my car back in 10 days which is 2 days before I
left for hometown. God is always on time.
A
week before I left for Kuching, I got a call from Sarawak Energy to
attend the scholarship interview. I almost forgot about this because it
had been months. The date for interview fallen on the morning I planned
to left Kuching. It was a long day, I spent my day contacting my parents
about the air ticket and employee from Sarawak Energy instead of
studying for my last paper. I almost plan to let go the opportunity for
interview because the air fare was crazily expensive but thanks God I
got to go at last and got a cheap ticket from Maswings.
That
is not yet the end of everything, HAHAHAHA! thanks God I got my car
back a day before interview so I have transport to go to interview. I
woke up late in the morning, (punching myself in the face yo) I was out
of the house soon after but stuck in the traffic jam for more than an
hour. The route usually take only 15 min but it was raining so.... while
stuck in the traffic jam, I was viewing my watch and asking God what
more to come? what should I do now? Should I go on? I was real
speechless because SO MANY THINGS happened lately. At last, I was 30 min
late for interview. But God is amazing. They haven't start the
interview, they are just briefing the candidates and the interviewers
have not seen me yet which means they didn't know that I'm late. *exhale
deeply. HAHAHHAA! Honestly, I don't like to boast, I don't know how to
boast. So I was cranking when I got question like what made you think
you deserve the scholarship. I paused for a while and got nervous, I
replied: I will study hard. LOLOLOLOL. I know that's not a good answer
but I really cannot boast.
Moral
of the story is I am human, I am weak, I am limited, I shouldn't
pretend I'm not, I need God, I need friends. This semester did shape me
into a better me. I will not insist on things going my way. I will still
make plan but I will always know I couldn't take control of everything and when things come up, I should stay calm, knowing God is here with me. Asking for strength from the Almighty.
