Once in a while, I felt so unsatisfied with everything. I felt so bad, whatever I had just ain't good enough. I felt so depressed and unmotivated for the goals I set for myself. They are the motivators but they could be what drive me nut. Sometimes, they seem too far away, there are dreams instead of goals.
When the negative feeling starts to take over...
Last night was a memorable one, I gave up my time for assignment because I had duty to perform for cell group. Just a little job that I think I should bring my laptop/ book over so I could do something while waiting. I felt like it was a waste of time if I didn't bring book or laptop along. But at last, I didn't bring a single thing with me except notebook because I was running late and I don't like to make people wait for too long.
It becomes one of the time I appreciate everything I got, no matter good/ bad.
I was the one who held responsible to contact my members for personal meet up with the pastor. and I was accompanying the members/ pastor during the meeting. I thought it is just a waste of time because my job is just sitting there and waiting for the next to come, contact them if they didn't turn up, I wasn't involve in the topic of meeting which made me think that it is unimportant/ irrelevant to me. But as I listen to them, I realized a lot of thing I omitted, and learnt many things at a night. Make the night a fruitful and memorable one. (I don't mean to compare, discriminate or offense). Take nothing for granted:
FAMILY
1) My parents are in good health, they could work, they have income, they give me extra pocket money. who said they must be in good health; who said they must work, they can choose to not work; they can choose to get money from you although you are still studying.
2) My siblings are in good health, and we love/ treasure each other. siblings could be the financial burden to your family if they have problems physically or mentally. I don't mean to discriminate anyone. but cherish them and give thanks.
3) My parents are being supportive in everything I do. I have the most to say on this. To admit, my parents never deny me or being discourage in anything I do/ did. When I first said I wanna learn make up, they said nothing but give me the fee to attend the personal make up course; When I said I wanna go diving, I know my mum is worried about my safety but she didn't discourage me at all. When I said I wanna take a florist course in KL, they give me a big smile and tell me to go ahead.
I would said that all those courses are just self- enrichment, I wouldn't die if I didn't attend them but my parents being so supportive and I blame myself I didn't realized how good they are playing their role as a parent. they gives me more than I deserved, more than I asked for. Even if I didn't do well, they wouldn't scold me or say anything negative.
4) My parents trust me.They didn't spit a word when I tell them I need extra pocket money from the given extra. They never interfere who I mingle with, what I do and where I go. I couldn't even promise to myself that I could afford to give them that amount of money every month when I get a job.
RELATIONSHIP
1) As a christian, I should start a relationship only if I'm prepared to get married with him. And this should be the common understanding or agreements between both of us. (I'm single so the 'us' refers to the one that appears in my future.)
2) Marry a Christian. I don't mean to discriminate. But for my own religion sake, it is healthier to get a Christian guy so that we could go to church together, serve together, encourage each other in Christ, grow in Christ and raise our children in the way Christian should. (I mean mutual understanding) Religion can also be the thing that hold us back. So we don't have to fight over things like bring the children to temple or pastor when the sickness don't go away. There are things that you can foresee and avoid. My parents are my personal idol in spiritual life and serving.
3) If he is not a Christian, make sure he will convert afterwards. If you have no confidence with it, let him go. Lord won't give you a man to live with and protect you yet the guy don't recognize Him (Like your dad won't assign you a guy that he don't even know). Although there were some successful cases but the percentage is just too low and most of the time, the wife follows her husband and has to leave church. That's what I don't want.
4) Pray for my future partner. I have been hearing many wonderful love stories from my church elders. They shared with us about how they met their partner, how could they be certain that he/ she is the one. Nothing works without prayers.
5) No sex before marriage. I joined NO Apologize and made a pledge when I was in form 3. But that is not what restrains me from sex before marriage but I have seen too many or countless sex before marriage and end with divorce. Yes, there are cases that are fruitful in the end but I have no confidence to take the risk.You don't know what the future holds. I know what I want, a marriage based on solid foundation. Sex can be misleading and blind you from the reality, a baby can lead to a marriage for the sake of marriage. But for me, that kinda marriage isn't based on the love between each other but the baby need a family to grow up with. You might say there are cases that couple with no sex before marriage still get divorced at the end. I couldn't take control of everything but at least my own relationship. I personally think that, no sex before marriage is a big step to a successful marriage. Future partner is the only family member I could choose for myself so I wanna be extra careful. Sex should be a gift for the married. Like you only open the birthday gift on your birthday, which makes the gift worth and extra meaning.
PERSONAL
# You can only solve the problem when you face it/ when you admit it is a problem.
# A joyful heart is the best gift to yourselves.
# You don't compare yourselves with other. Those who have more are 'obligated' to do/ give more.
# Be financial independence. Earn your own money.
# Be wise in spending but don't be too over in saving. Take proper meals because money you saved cannot buy you health.
# Recite bible everyday if you found it hard to concentrate and read the bible. Psalm could be a good start.
# Leave the scene that overload with stress.
# The most lethal thing is negative thinking.
Note to myself, sharing is caring.
Goodnight.
x
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